In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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