chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
