The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize