i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Randomize
