I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize