Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize