i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
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It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
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party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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