Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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