someone get that fucking seahorse.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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