Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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