Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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