I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
North Korea, Best Korea!
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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