I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
