so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
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All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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