I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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