Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
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I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
The air taste purple.
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