OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
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there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
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Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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