You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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