I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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