I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
