Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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