Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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