Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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