True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
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I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize