its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
