dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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