So drunk its hurt
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
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Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
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The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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