I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
