I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
