Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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