i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
