Dude my mom stole all your condoms
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
