we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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