Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
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The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
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i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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