she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
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Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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