My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
