Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
