Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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