I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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