Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
