There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
