You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
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Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
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I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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