i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
