ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
