She's JV to your varsity
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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