Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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