it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
