Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize