good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
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hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
29 People Who Do Dirty Things Just To Get Their Way
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.