The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off