Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
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we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka