You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems