Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
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I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
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Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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